


Bleeding Out

by divergentrebel13



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: POV Four (Divergent)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-09 10:56:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12274986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divergentrebel13/pseuds/divergentrebel13
Summary: They told me she was shot. They said her body was property of the Bureau and wouldn't allow me to see her. Then one day, three years later, I got a call from Matthew. Allegiant alternate ending [SPOILERS] – rated for language/violence





	1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: All rights to _Divergent_ belong to Veronica Roth. No copyright infringement is intended.

 

**_Bleeding Out_ **

****

**_Prologue_ **

****

_Oh, how we lost our minds when we fell in love that night. I never thought that I would ever leave your side. Oh, how we lost our minds when we fell in love that night. Promise me you won’t cry, this is our last goodbye. ~ Last Goodbye, Kesha_

 

            My entire body hurts. Everything, even breathing brings a new round of pain. I can feel a tightness in my chest but I can’t remember why it’s there. All I can remember is David. David shot me after I released the memory serum.

            That’s when I realize it. That’s when I realize I’m probably dead.

            I think of Tobias and Christina and Caleb, the last bit of any kind of family I had left. I hope all of our fighting will have paid off for them. I hope they’ll get to live in a world that is much more stable and peaceful than the one we’ve grown up in. I hope that they’ll move on from everything they had to do and be happy.

            I see Caleb with piles of books around him. Maybe he’ll teach at the school when they reopen it after things calm down, or maybe he’ll work in a lab to help develop new technology to help Chicago survive. He’ll find Susan and they’ll get married just like they were always supposed to. They’ll have a house full of kids and teach them about how the world used to be; about their aunt who died for the cause.

            Then I think of Christina. I told her she would always have me and that I would never leave her and here I am. She lost Will early on, because of me, and then she just lost Uriah. I know she’ll be okay, though. She’ll find happiness in the new lifestyle Chicago will create and live in a world that is far more enjoyable than before.

            I picture Tobias with a new family. He’ll have a wife; someone who is prettier than I ever was, with a tiny version of himself running around. He’ll move on from me and he’ll be happy. I always knew he would be able to move on quickly, and I hope he does.

            It is when I picture Tobias’ life without me that I can feel my heart ache and I wonder why, even in death, that I’m in pain. Shouldn’t death be more peaceful than this?


	2. Chapter 1

**_CHAPTER 1_ **

_You tell me to hold on, but innocence is gone. And what was right is wrong. Cause I’m bleeding out, if it’s the last thing that I do… is to bring you down, I’ll bleed out for you. ~ Imagine Dragons, Bleeding Out_

**TOBIAS POV**

 

I never believed them. Everyone tells me its just denial, and maybe they’re right, but I still have this feeling. Deep in my gut I know something isn’t right. There’s something the Bureau isn’t telling me.

They can say her body was their property. They can deny me the opportunity to properly say goodbye. But they’ll never understand just how much she meant to me. How much she _means_ to me.

They probably think I gave in to their lies. Just because I stopped asking, doesn’t mean I stopped searching. I’m just more discrete about it now.

With my new position as a City Advisor I can get access to just about any pertinent information about the new city of Chicago. I can get the personal information of every registered citizen (the registration process was a hassle, but paid off in the long run), their medical records, records of every transaction anyone in Chicago has had with the Bureau, and anything else one could think of. Of course, it would be suspicious of me to just outright search for what I want. I’m sure they have a hundred people just like me searching for anyone getting too deep into this.

So I space my searches out. Try and make it seem like what I’m doing is completely normal. It’s tedious as hell, but necessary.

I grab my coat and avoid the stares of everyone as I leave the office. The old Erudite building was torn down and renovated into a modest City Council building, only a few stories high but full of every piece of technology imaginable. It was a “gift” from the Bureau.

I scowl at the water droplets on the glass door as it slides open before I exit, and flip my hood over my head as I walk out into the cold rain.

I don’t mind the rain. It helps keep my head clear and mind alert. It’s a short walk from the City Council building to the memorial we had built soon after everything settled down. Names of everyone we lost were engraved on a black stone wall. My stomach always drops when I see just how many names there are on it, no matter how many times I have been here.

I know she wouldn’t really like flowers left here after my weekly visits, so I never bring any. Every Friday after work I simply come here and sit next to her name for a while. Some days it’s just a few minutes, other days it’s a few hours. Today, it’ll probably be the latter.

 

 

Its dark and the rain has picked up considerably by the time I make it to my small apartment. It’s nothing much, but a lot more than the tiny place I had back at Dauntless; a small central living room, an even smaller kitchen, and a bedroom just big enough for a bed and dresser.

I toss my keys on the small table in the entryway and a red blink catches my eye. Every apartment now comes with a telephone but mine has hardly been used. I push the blinking red button, curious who could possibly have called while I was out.

“Tobias, it’s Matthew. From- well, I’m sure you remember. I can’t get into the details, but you need to meet me at the hospital. As soon as you can.”

And the line goes dead. I contemplate what I should do. I haven’t heard from Matthew in… years. Three years, to be exact. The last day I saw Tris was the last day I saw him.

That realization makes my decision for me and my keys are back in my hand and the door is slammed behind me.

The walk to the hospital turns into more of a run given the downpour that started. Although, I would probably be running even if it weren’t raining.

            When I finally tumble through the hospital doors, it’s obvious something is happening. Is this what Matthew was talking about? People in scrubs are rushing around, their arms full of supplies. I grab one of them by the arms, probably too harshly, and ask her what is happening.

            “All we know is a critical patient is coming in from beyond the border. We don’t have any details yet.”

            _A critical patient from beyond the border_.

I try to keep my face neutral, but I’m sure my shock is evident. I know it’s not going to be her. Matthew probably just wanted me here due to my official government status. Maybe he got himself into trouble and thinks I can help him smooth things over. Maybe Matthew is the critical patient.

            The doors I came through moments before are suddenly swung open and a small body on a stretcher is rushed in.


	3. Chapter 2

**_CHAPTER 2_ **

****

_I stood, right by the tracks, your face in a locket. Good girls, hopeful they’ll be, and long they will wait. We had a beautiful magic love affair. What a sad, beautiful, tragic love affair. – Taylor Swift, Sad Beautiful Tragic_

**TOBIAS POV**

 

            Matthew follows the stretcher through the doors with a slight limp. The body on the stretcher is _so small_. Bones protrude where they shouldn’t and blond hair is matted in a knot on top of their head.

            “She’s severely dehydrated and malnourished. I sedated her when we left, but it started wearing off a while ago. We need to be careful when she wakes up, she’ll –“ Matthew doesn’t have to finish his sentence. The small, broken body on the stretcher has already woken up. She lifts her face, eyes wide and terrified.

            It’s her.

_It’s her._

            I stumble backwards into the wall and they roll her past me. As Tris becomes more aware of her surroundings she starts screaming. Not necessarily words, just pure blood curdling terror coming out of her as she struggles with the restraints on her wrists holding her to the stretcher.

            I want to run to her, comfort her and tell her that she’s safe now, but my entire body is frozen. My eyes stay glued to the stretcher, but I can’t move. My lungs are on fire and my heart feels like it is trying to break free from my chest. My legs stumble backwards until my back hits a wall and they fall out from under me.

            Seconds later a nurse starts to push the stretcher away and I snap back to reality.

            “No! Where are you taking her?” I shout. I grab the arm of the nurse pushing. I vaguely register her small whimper.

            “Tobias, no –“ Matthew tries to push me away, but I resist. Why would he call me here if he didn’t want me near her?

            “RUN! They’re going to kill you! Get out of here!” Tris’ words are suddenly aimed at me. Her eyes give away the pure terror running through her, but she’s no longer fighting to save herself. She’s trying to save _me_.

            She kicks away the restraints they had managed to get around her ankles, obviously not tied well enough, and flings her body off of the stretcher. She moves with a surprising amount of agility for someone who has obviously been traumatized. _She’s so skinny._

            Tris grabs my hand and my heart swells, but I don’t have time to think about it because she’s running. I follow her, helpless to do much else, and she shoves us through the first door she finds, which happens to be a storage closet.

            We’re surrounded by nothing but darkness, and I can hear her mumbling under her breath, but I can’t make out any exact words. I know I have to approach her carefully; I don’t want her to hurt herself.

            “Tris?” I ask as quietly and calmly as I can manage. Which admittedly isn’t that quiet or calm considering I can barely hear anything over the thudding of my own heart.

            “Everything is okay. You’re safe now.” I whisper.

            Medical supplies start crashing to the floor as she starts searching through the racks of supplies surrounding us. _What could she possibly be looking for?_

            “We need to get out of here. Maybe the vents – “ She stops talking and looks around above us. The darkness frustrates her and she slams her palm across the light switch.

            “We’re safe here, Tris. The doctors just need to make sure you’re okay.”

            I’m surprised no one has barged in yet. Maybe Matthew trusts me enough to calm her down and bring her back. If this is her reaction when she saw me, I understand now why he tried to keep me out of her sight before.

            Tris ignores me, still looking around for an escape route. Her eyes dart around so fast I don’t know how she can take in anything she’s seeing.

            I start to do the same because talking is obviously not working, though we’re not looking for the same things. I look at the medical supplies in front of me and see a collection of syringes, all labeled efficiently.

            Hoping Tris stays distracted with finding her escape, I walk slowly over to them and quickly pick one out of the _sedative_ bin.

            “What are you doing?” Tris asks, eying the syringe in my hand.

            “In case anyone comes in,” I say, and toss her the syringe, grabbing myself another one.

            Tris easily catches the syringe, but eyes me warily for a few moments. I can see the doubt running through her mind, so I act quickly. I uncap my syringe and back her into a corner as quickly and painlessly as possible. I can see bruises covering her body and the last thing I want to do is add more to the mix, but I have to calm her down and get her back to the doctors.

            “I’m sorry. It’s going to be okay. I’m sorry.” I whisper to her as her tiny fists try to fight me off with little effect on me. I quickly prick her with the syringe and let the sedative fill her bloodstream. I can instantly feel her body slack and grab her before she can hit the ground.

            I have her in my arms and out the door in seconds. All of the doctors and nurses relax as I put a sleeping Tris on the stretcher. The first thing they do is restrain her.

 

~.~.~

 

            The doctors are doing every test imaginable on her. No one, not even Matthew, knows the extent of what she’s been through in the last three years, but he does tell me what he knows as we sit in uncomfortable chairs outside of the exam room and wait.

            “A group of rogue scientists were working with David. Their experiments were never really . . . humanitarian. They always took things too far. From the information I gathered, they were looking for a Divergent-proof simulation for other cities like Chicago. They wanted to be able to control _everyone_. After a year of searching I found their headquarters and managed to join their team. It took me another year to move up in the group enough for them to tell me about Tris.

            “The things they were doing to her . . .” Matthew trails off, shaking his head.

            My stomach churns. Do I ask Matthew to stop? Can I hear the torture that Tris went through the past three years? I know it will haunt me the rest of my life if I never find out, but I also know images of what Matthew tells me happened would also haunt me forever.

            “I need to know,” I huff out.

            Matthew tells me about the tests. The simulations filled with her family and friends, most of which are dead in reality; simulations where Tris was stuck inside a warring world in her mind for days, _months_ at a time. She was forced to watch her loved ones die over and over for three years. They would torture her between simulations to try and weaken her body and mind. I don’t let Matthew tell me the exact torture methods they used. I don’t want to know.

            My heart clenches when I think of how she jumped off of the stretched and ran with me. She thought she was in a simulation. She was trying to protect me.

            Then Matthew tells me of how he escaped with Tris. His job was to retrieve her after a few hours of rest she was given and take her to the room where yet another simulation would be conducted. She was always unconscious, or close to it, when Matthew got her so she never had the chance to recognize him. The night before he had placed small, but effective, explosive sticks around and within the building.

            Once he had Tris he gave her a pretty hefty dose of another sedative and got out of there as fast as he could. He told me it was a pretty small place, so it wasn’t like they had too many security guards. It was mostly filled with scientists, all of whom waiting for him to bring Tris to them.

            The bombs went off two minutes after he was out of the building with Tris. Then he made his way here.

            I stare at him for a few moments after he finishes his story, speechless.

            “Why? Why did you go through all of that trouble? If you had told me I would have – “

            “Before I found her, I was never sure she was actually there. I didn’t want to get your hopes up in case I was wrong. But you two . . . after everything you did in Chicago . . . you two deserved your happy ending.”

 

 

            Tris is still heavily sedated when I’m allowed to see her again. The doctors are going over all of the information they gathered from the tests, but I don’t have time to think about that. I pull up another hard, plastic chair and place it next to her bed. They have her in another set of restraints, which I know she’ll fight against when she wakes up. I gently take her small hand and clasp it between both of mine.

            Tris was always small. The smallest Dauntless initiate we had ever had, but nothing compares to her now. She’s just skin and bone, barely held together. My heart feels likes its shattered in my chest, and not for the first time tonight.

            The door swings open roughly and my hands instantly tighten around Tris’. I look up and see Caleb, Christina, and Zeke all standing in the doorway. Their facial expressions all reveal similar emotions: shock, horror, relief, and confusion.

            “Is she –“ Caleb can hardly get the words out.

            “Just resting,” I whisper. I could scream and it wouldn’t wake Tris up, but I don’t want to risk it. I don’t know what her reaction to me will be when she wakes up again.

            “H-how is this even possible?” Christina asks, pulling up a matching chair to mine. Caleb and Zeke follow.

            I don’t see my few remaining friends often. I haven’t socialized with anyone really. They all knew how hard I took what supposedly happened to Tris three years ago, and no one really knew how to approach me after that. They checked up on me every once in a while, but that was it.

            I recount Matthew’s story to them. Some doctors are currently checking him out too; he had a few scratches and burns that needed tending to. I can barely get the story out of my mouth, still coming to terms with everything myself. But our small group sits silently, waiting for me to get everything out.

            No one says anything after the story is finished. We all sit in silence around Tris’ bed, staring at the girl we’ve all mourned for three years.


	4. Chapter 3

**_CHAPTER 3_ **

****

_Too afraid to go inside, for the pain of one more loveless night. For the loneliness will stay with me and hold me till I fall asleep. I’m a ghost of a girl that I want to be most; I’m the shell of a girl that I used to know well ~ Christina Perri, The Lonely_

 

**TOBIAS POV**

 

            None of us have left Tris’ hospital room since we entered. Caleb has spent most of his time pacing at the foot of her bed. Zeke has taken up a spot by the window and just stares over the dark city. Christina sits on the other side of Tris’ bed opposite of me, her eyes constantly glassy like she’s been on the edge of tears for the last four hours.

            I’ve gotten to take a closer look at her as the hours go on, and it seems every time I look at her I see a new scar or injury. She has tiny burn marks along her arms and neck, from what I don’t know. I see a deep gash peeking around the back of her neck. And the bruises are just . . . everywhere.

            The doctors told us she could wake up at any time. They tried to escort me out, but it didn’t end well for the male nurses they sent in to do the job.

_There was a soft knock on the door and moments later two doctors and two nurses entered the room. After sitting here for three hours, all of us stiffen at the entry of new people. Everyone in this room has become fiercely protective of Tris as we sit here and stare at the empty shell of a body she’s been left with._

_“Hello everyone,” one of the men in a white coat says. “Ms. Prior should be waking up within the next hour or two. We’re still working on analyzing all of her test results, but after the incident when she was brought in we are all in agreement that Mr. Eaton should not be in the room when she wakes up.”_

_“What incident?” Christina asks._

_I left out my closet excursion with Tris earlier when I was explaining everything to Caleb, Christina, and Zeke. I don’t know why. Maybe I was thinking they would suggest the same thing the doctor just did._

_“I’m not going anywhere,” I grumble._

_“What incident?” Zeke presses._

_“Ms. Prior went into a sort of . . . fit when she saw Mr. Eaton. We think it’s best if they’re separated for the first few weeks of her recovery.”_

_“She was scared and surrounded. Once she realizes she’s safe – “ The second doctor cuts me off before I can finish._

_“Based off of what Matthew has told us, Ms. Prior will have . . . extensive psychiatric issues. This isn’t something we can just push through in an afternoon.”_

_“I’m not going to push her. But I’m also not going to avoid her for weeks. I’m not letting her out of my sight.”_

_“Mr. Eaton, we have to encourage you to leave.” The two male nurses now make sense. They both made their way over to stand behind my chair. I knew where this was headed._

_“Touch me and you will regret it.” I voice is low and I can feel myself slipping back into my former Dauntless persona._

_“Mr. Eaton . . .” One of them grips my bicep firmly and tries to pull me up._

_My elbow snaps back and the one on my left doubles over. The guy on my right grabs my arm and twists it behind me, but I turn and knee him in the groin. It doesn’t drop him, but it loosens his grip on my arm. I grab his hand and twist three of his fingers at a ninety degree angle and hear a satisfying snap. The other nurse recovers but as soon as he gets near me I shove my palm into his nose and am rewarded with a second crunch._

_“That’s enough! Stay if you wish, Mr. Eaton,” the doctor concedes, and both of them help the wounded nurses out of the room._

_I sit back down in my chair, slow my breathing, and continue to wait for Tris to wake up._

            I lean my elbows lightly on the edge of Tris’ bed and gently stroke her arm. Her body is cold, but feeling her skin under mine warms me all over.

_She’s really here._

            I make a circuit down her arm and around her hand. By the third time I feel the muscles in her hand twitch. My slight gasp is deafening in this silent room.

            “She’s waking up.”

            As slowly as I can I grasp her had firmly in one of mine, and place a hand lightly on her right cheek. I wince when I can feel her cheekbone protruding too harshly.

            Someone, Caleb probably, leaves the room quickly. Probably to find one of the idiot doctors that tried to have me removed from the room.

            “Tris? It’s okay. You’re in Chicago and you’re safe,” I whisper, rubbing what I hope to be soothing circles in the palm of her hand.

            Seconds later her eyes snap open and the fear is instant. Followed by her screams.

            “No! I know it’s a simulation, get me out! Don’t kill them, GET ME OUT!” she screams, straining every muscle in her body to try to break free of her restraints.

            The doctors and Matthew decide to come in then, but I don’t have time to deal with them.

            “Please, get me out!” Tris begs, tears flowing freely down her face. I notice that, despite the first moment when she opened her eyes, she actively avoids looking in my direction.

            I get on her bed, and straddle her stomach, holding her small body in place to keep her from straining against her restraints. I grab her face, and force her to look me in the eyes.

            “Tris! Look at me. _Look at me_. The first time I kissed you we were at our secret spot at the bottom of the Chasm. I told you I loved you when we were escaping after the simulation attack. You were under peace serum at Amity once, told me that I liked you because neither of us are very nice. After we escaped Erudite and I was washing you up, I told you I would be your family. The night before . . . we made love for the first time and it was the best night of my life.

            “This isn’t a simulation. You’re in Chicago with me and you’re safe. I won’t let anyone hurt you again. I promise.”

            Her light grey eyes lock with my own and I can nearly see her mind working. Deciding what to make of my words.

            “You’re with me. You’re safe.” I repeat over and over.

            Eventually her body relaxes and I slowly get off of her bed. She quickly grabs my arm as I move.

            “Don’t leave me.”

            “Never.”

            “Ahem.” Caleb returns with one of the doctors that tried to have me removed from the room.

            “Ms. Prior, how are you feeling?” he asks her as he approaches her bed. I stand next to her, on the opposite side from the doctor, and grasp her hand. I can feel her body tense as he approaches.

            Tris opens her mouth, as if to speak, but noting comes out. She does this a few times before she looks at me, her eyes desperate. For what, I don’t know. Answers maybe, or maybe she’s seeing if I trust this doctor. I don’t know him, but I already don’t like him.

            I should look up the doctor that checked me over after everything three years ago. I haven’t seen him since, but he seemed to know what he was doing and never infuriated me as much as this guy.

            “What’s your name?” I ask him.

            “Dr. Erikson. Now, Ms. Prior, if you’d like all of these people to leave so we can talk – “

            “ _No_ ,” Tris demands, her voice stronger than I’ve heard it since her return.

            “Very well. Based on our early examination, you have quite a few physical injuries that will need tending to, but nothing life threatening at this point. Both of your wrists are sprained and we’ll fit you for braces in the morning. The burn marks along your arms and neck are . . . interesting. We’ve never seen anything like them. And your back – “

            Tris is getting more and more uncomfortable as the doctor continues to talk. I don’t want her to have another episode, thinking this doctor is here to hurt her in a simulation.

            “That’s enough. You need to leave,” I demand.

            “Now, you listen to me young man – “

            “You’re making her uncomfortable. If he says you need to leave, you leave.” Zeke stands behind me, his hand on my shoulder.

            It’s nice to have a friend again.

            Doctor Erikson sighs and backs out of the room. I look at Christina.

            “Can you go out there and request a Doctor Taylor? Have Erikson give him all of Tris’ information.” I ask her. I know Christina won’t put up with any hassle on Erikson’s end. She’ll get the job done.

            “Sure.” Christina agrees before leaving.

            “It’s okay. Don’t worry about him. We’ll find a better doctor.” I tell Tris. She just stares back at me.

            We all settle back into our respective seats; Caleb stands awkwardly by the door and Zeke sits back by the window.

            Thirty minutes later Christina walks in, followed by Doctor Taylor.

            “Hello, everyone,” Taylor says calmly. Already everyone can tell his demeanor is more caring than Erikson’s.

            “Thank you for coming Dr. Taylor,” I say.

            “Of course. You’ve caused quite a bit of commotion around here Ms. Prior,” he gives Tris a polite, comforting smile. “Now, I’ve read over the results of the tests and examination that were conducted when you got here. The wrists will be easily taken care of right away. A few weeks in a brace should do the trick. We have some ointment that will help heal your bruises quicker than if they’re left alone, I’m sure they’re uncomfortable for you. The burn marks . . . well, it would be easier to decide how to treat those best if we knew what caused them. Is there anything else on you that we need to treat, Ms. Prior?”

            Tris hesitates. She looks at the small group of four people in the room, and her eyes land on me.

            “Is there something else?” I ask her.

            “My . . . my back,” she sits up slightly, and I grab her shoulder to help her up. She’s still wearing the thin, plain t-shirt she was when Matthew brought her in.

            I move slowly so my movements don’t startle her, and slightly raise the hem of her shirt to see her back. Taylor moves in so he can see as well.

            “Fuck,” I breathe out as I see the red, angry skin on her back. It is covered in welts, some nearly bone deep. There are so many there is hardly any skin left on her back.

            Taylor’s eyes study Tris’ back for a few seconds before he jumps into action. He presses a clear button on the wall behind Tris’ bed and begins barking orders, demand some kind of cream I think.

            Seconds later a nurse, not one of the two I had to . . . argue with earlier, comes in, holding a white tube and a pair of latex gloves.

            “Tris, I’m going to apply this generously over your back. It’ll likely sting for a while, but that just means it’s working, all right? This will help close up those wounds and increase the rate at which your body develops new skin.”

            I can see the panic in her eyes as the doctor slides the gloves on his hands. I can almost hear her heart start to beat faster than it should be.

            “Can – can I do it?” I ask, hoping that if it’s a familiar face applying the cream she won’t be so scared.

            Taylor looks at me strangely for a moment, and then seems to notice how terrified Tris looks now.

            “Be sure to apply an ample amount, but try not to tug on any of the loose skin,” he tells me, handing me the tube.

            Tris visibly relaxes when I have the medication in my hand. She sits up a little straighter and puts her back to me. I pull the back of her shirt up all the way to her neck and have to keep from cursing to myself again. I’ve never seen something so painful.

            Christina walks over and holds up Tris’ shirt so I can use both hands to apply the ointment. Thankfully Tris doesn’t seem to mind Christina being near her. Taylor starts to ask more questions as I gently rub the ointment into Tris’ back.

            “Tris, if you could tell us more about what happened to you, we would have a better idea of exactly the course of treatment we should put you on. Both physically and mentally.”

            Tris stays silent. I can feel her wince when I hit a particularly raw piece of flesh.

            “The burn marks . . . we’ve never seen anything like them before,” Taylor continues.

            “That’s because no one has every survived one injection of Death Serum before, let alone hundreds,” Matthew says from the doorway. He limps in the room, his left foot now covered in a dark medical boot.

            I hear Taylor curse under his breath.

            “Knowing that will help us find out a good treatment plan. I have one other test I’d like run on Tris. Is it okay if we take you there now?” Taylor asks her.

            Tris looks at me, her eyes pleading with me to tell her she doesn’t have to go. But I need her checked out as thoroughly as possible. And I just ran out of the ointment I was spreading on her back.

            “I’ll wait for you right here. I’ll be here when you get back, I promise,” I squeeze her hand lightly. I don’t want to hurt her.

            “We’ll also get you into a hospital gown. It should be more comfortable than what you’ve got now,” Taylor smiles comfortingly at her. A nurse appears next to him and helps him wheel Tris’ bed out into the hall.

            I turn to Matthew.

            “You never mentioned Death Serum,” I growl.

            “Before I left I grabbed as many files as I could. I didn’t have a chance to read them until I was waiting for the doctor to check out my leg. This goes into . . . excruciating detail about what was done to Tris,” Matthew hands me a manila folder. It’s heavy, which makes my heart drop to my stomach. A lot of papers means a lot of tests.

            “Did you read all of it?” I ask, feeling like Tris’ privacy will somehow be invaded if too many people read the contents of this folder.

            “No. I just searched for what could have caused the burns. The things I came across . . .”

            “I don’t want to know,” I’ll let Doctor Taylor read it, but other than that I decide I will lock it up in my apartment the first chance I get. I don’t want anyone else looking at it.

            “She’s strong. Stronger than anyone ever gave her credit for.”


	5. Chapter 4

**_CHAPTER 4_ **

 

_I keep falling, I keep falling down. If you could only save me, I’m drowning in the waters of my soul. There’s nothing left to say now . . . I’m giving up. – Imagine Dragons, Nothing Left to Say_

 

**_ WARNING _ ** _: This chapter discusses physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, as well as attempted suicide. It is mentioned sporadically through the chapter. If any of this is triggering to you, please skip it. It doesn’t go into great detail, but I don’t want to unnecessarily upset someone. Message me if you would like an explanation of what goes on in the chapter._

 

**TOBIAS POV**

 

            Tris is asleep when they bring her back in after the last test they did on her. The nurse doesn’t get into specifics, but says Tris needed to be sedated after the test, but that they were going to sedate her again anyway. They don’t think she’ll be able to sleep much on her own for the first few days while she’s here, but she needs as much rest as possible to help her build her strength back up.

            I understand everything she says, but I still wish I could have gotten to talk to her more, talk to her about anything really, before she went to sleep again.

            I look at my watch for the first time since I left work earlier and realize its nearing three in the morning.

            “You guys should go home. I’ll keep you updated,” I tell our small team of misfits.

            “None of us are leaving,” Caleb says. I haven’t paid much attention to him, but he looks about as rough around the edges as I feel. He’s spent three years not able to thank his sister for the selfless, albeit stupid, sacrifice she made for him.

            Hours pass, and each of us doze off and on in the uncomfortable hospital chairs. Tris sleeps soundly thanks to the sedative. I worry though, about how she’ll sleep when they stop giving it to her. I know it’ll happen sooner rather than later.

            The folder Matthew weighs heavily in my lap. I am constantly fighting the urge to open it and read what is inside. If I know what Tris has been through, I’ll be able to understand her better. I’ll know what could set her off, or how to calm her down if she starts to think she’s in a simulation again.

            But, it also still feels like a major invasion of privacy. Am I able to cross that line if I think it will help Tris in the long run? I don’t know _. I don’t know_.

            “Mr. Eaton? May I speak with you in the hallway?” Doctor Taylor taps my shoulder lightly, whispering his words so he doesn’t wake up anyone else in the room.

            I get up from my chair, my knees straining with the movement after sitting so long, and follow him out the door. The folder still clutched in my hands.

            “Matthew mentioned the file. I understand you don’t want anyone to see it, but it would be invaluable to know what Ms. Prior has been through. To understand not only her physical but also mental wounds would help immensely.”

            “She wouldn’t want everyone knowing all of that. I know she wouldn’t.”

            “I understand you two were close . . . before. If you think she would trust you to, you could read it and tell us only the most crucial information. I understand this is asking a lot, but I truly believe it will help Ms. Prior in the long run.”

            I sigh, feeling torn in half. I know, without a doubt, if Tris were her fully aware self she wouldn’t want me or anyone else to read the file. Not only for her sake, but for ours. Once I know what happened to her I will have to live with that knowledge for the rest of my life. I’ll know she spent three years being brutally tortured while I lived a comfy life here in Chicago.

            Taylor truly seems to think it will benefit Tris, though. Fuck, I don’t know what to do.

            Taylor clears his throat. “The last test we had to run on her was to check to see if she had been sexually assaulted.”

            All of the air is sucked out of my lungs.

            “And?” I grit out through clenched teeth.

            “The results were . . . inconclusive. But inconclusive results in a test like this are usually closer to confirming an assault rather than closer to confirming it didn’t happen.”

            “I’m not telling you this to hurt you. I’m telling you to prove that there could be countless things done to her that we don’t know to test for.”

            I think he kept talking after that, but I’m not sure. My ears are ringing and my eyes are blurry.

            “It’s not fair!” I shout, having reached my breaking point. “She did so much, fought so hard during the war and then this happens? All of us have been here doing nothing while she was – “

            I think I punched a wall. I don’t remember.

            I’m already on my way out of the hospital.

 

~.~.~

 

            My apartment door slams behind me. I don’t care that it likely woke up everyone in the building; I don’t care about anything anymore.

            I open the bottle of liquor I purchased on my way home. I don’t know what it is I’m drinking, but I know I need it.

            The file stares at me from the table I threw it on as I entered. Taunting me with its information. I take another sip of the bottle.

            I haven’t been able to catch my breath since I talked to Doctor Taylor. I know he means well, but that doesn’t stop me from being angry at him for sharing the information with me. Information no one ever wants to hear about someone they love.

            I think I made up my mind as soon as the words were out of Taylor’s mouth, but I didn’t want to accept my decision.

            I sit down at the small kitchen table I have and flip open the file.

 

~.~.~

 

            It takes me a long time to get through the 732 page file, not because of its length, but because I have to rush to the toilet to vomit every few pages. By the time I finish it by throat burns and my eyes are bloodshot.

            In the first simulation they put her in, the war never happened. We were living together at Dauntless and she worked in the tattoo shop with Tori. Tris was in that simulation for three days, her body weak from the bullet would from David. They also think she was in it so long because she longed for it to be true.

            They injected her with death serum almost daily. They said it burned through her veins and hoped it would weaken her strength. They needed her weak after she killed three guards within her first month there. The last guard she killed tried to rape her, but thankfully didn’t succeed.

            After she got out of a simulation they took a whip to her back. Mutilating the flesh nearly beyond the point of recognition.

            Every time she did something they didn’t like, killing the guards for example, she was injected with Fear Serum. They left her alone in the dark to scream it out.

            After nearly two years there she managed to steal a syringe from someone. She tore it through her wrists, trying to kill herself before someone found her. They threw a cloth over her head and pretended to drown her for it.

They did everything to break her. I just hope I can somehow put her back together.

I press my palms into my eyes, trying to erase the images going through my mind. My eyes drift to the clock on the wall and I see that its already seven in the morning.

            I promised Tris I would be there when she got back from her test. I have to be there before she wakes up. I won’t break another promise.

 

~.~.~

 

            I make it back to the hospital within minutes, and see a fist-sized hole in the wall as I near Tris’ room. It takes me a few moments to remember that I was the one who put it there.

            I speed up my pace when I hear Tris shouting.

            “I _knew_ it! I knew this wasn’t real!”

            Tris is, yet again, thrashing against her restraints. She has a new feeding tube inserted into her throat, I don’t like the intrusion, but I hope it helps her gain some much-needed weight.

            I immediately walk over to her and take her head gently in my hands, staring at the scared and confused eyes.

            “It’s real. I’m real. I promise. I’m sorry I was gone. I’m sorry. _I’m sorry_.” I can’t stop repeating the words. Seeing her now after reading the file breaks me in ways I didn’t know were possible. Before I realize what is happening I’m sobbing the words, holding on to her like my life depends on it.

            Tris calms though, a small hand reaching up to brush away some of my tears. I hear the door close gently and assume my outburst cleared the room out. She begins to shift her body on the bed, and I open my eyes, confused by her movements.

            She has scooted her body as far as she can to the opposite side of the bed from me. But it wasn’t to get away from me, she looks at me and then the new, open spot next to her and I understand. I gently sit next to her and hug her as close to me as possible.

            We’re both broken so we both take comfort in our embrace. I know it is going to be a long time until she becomes strong and stable enough to really be herself again. I know we’ll face countless challenges along the way, but I don’t care. Lying here, with her in my arms and tears drying on my face I feel more complete than I have in three years.


	6. Chapter 5

**_CHAPTER 5_ **

 

_Baby, I’m thinking it over. What if the way we started made it something cursed from the start? What if it only gets colder? Would you still wrap me up and tell me that you think this was smart? ‘Cause lately I’ve been scared of even thinking ‘bout where we are. ~ Banks, Waiting Game_

 

**TOBIAS POV**

 

            I’m warm and disoriented when I wake up, but too comfortable to even think about opening my eyes. But then I hear the whispers.

            “They’ve been asleep a _long_ time. The doctor didn’t even give Tris a sedative,” Christina, I think, whispers.

            “They’re both mentally exhausted. I’ve never seen Tobias cry before,” Zeke says.

            It’s true. I never let anyone see me cry while I was mourning Tris. Sure, I came out of many bathrooms with red eyes, but no one ever saw the actual tears. Left over scarring from my Dauntless days I suppose.

            “I don’t even know how they both fit on that bed. Four looks like he could fall off at any second,” Caleb scoffs.

            Caleb. We didn’t stay in close contact after we thought we lost Tris. I know it wasn’t right, but I blamed him for losing her. He still seems to dislike me about as much as I dislike him. He doesn’t even call me by my actual name like everyone else.

            “You can call him Tobias, you know,” Zeke says.

            Caleb just grumbles under his breath.

            I take a deep breath before I open my eyes. They’re all standing around the bed, looking at us as if we’re just a display.

            “What time is it?” I ask, my voice round with sleep.

            “Almost 5. You two slept for a long time,” Zeke says, a satisfied smile on his face.

            “Has the doctor said anything else?” I ask them.

            “No. He’s come in to check on her a few times, but that’s it. I think he wants to talk to you.”

            I know exactly what he wants to talk to me about. The file. The thing I never want to think about again for as long as I live. But I know its necessary to talk about if I want Tris and I to move forward. I’ll help her recover as best as I can and that means letting the doctor know what she needs.

            I make a motion to get off of the bed, but Tris’ hands, which are clutching my grey t-shirt, tighten around the fabric.

            “I’ll find him later,” I say, and relax back into the bed with Tris.

            It’s a short while later that Tris starts to whimper in her sleep. I reach up to smooth the frown lines off of her forehead, but the second I touch her, her eyes snap open. She pushes me away from her so violently I lose my balance on the edge of the bed and fall to the floor with a heavy thud.

            I get back on my feet quickly and see Tris struggling with the restraints on her legs.

            “No, it’s okay. You’re in the hospital in Chicago, you’re safe,” I whisper to her and she just stares. She looks at me, her eyes begging me to be real.

            “How about we come up with a code word? Something I say whenever you get scared that lets you know this is real, that I’m real. Will that help you?” I ask her, taking both of her hands in mine to stop her from scratching at her legs to free her feet.

            “Chocolate cake. You- you like chocolate cake,” she says. Her voice is so soft I barely hear it.

            I clear my throat, feeling too many emotions at once when she remembers how I liked the chocolate cake at Dauntless. Of all of the things I imagined she would say, that was definitely not one of them.

            “Chocolate cake it is,” I help her settle herself back in the middle of her bed. She doesn’t take her eyes off of me.

            “I’m going to go find your doctor, okay? I’ll be right back, I promise,” I try to tell her with my eyes that I’m not part of a simulation, but I can still see a sliver of doubt in hers. She’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. I squeeze her hand lightly before I leave the room. Zeke nods to me as I exit, letting me know he’ll keep an eye on her.            

            It doesn’t take long to find Taylor, because he was headed towards Tris’ room anyway. He starts to speak, but I hold my hand up for him to stop. I need to get this out as soon as I can.

            “I read it.”

 

~.~.~

 

            I spend a gruesome hour talking with Doctor Taylor about Tris’ file. I don’t go into great detail about anything, just the big stuff. All of it hurt her in one way or another, but most of those wounds can’t be healed now.

            When I return to Tris’ room Christina is sitting next to her, hairbrush in hand. Tris is stiff, obviously uncomfortable with Christina so close, but she doesn’t say anything. I’m sure it’ll take a while for her to get used to being around people again. It’s been years since she’s had a social interaction with anyone. As I look at her with Christina, the girl she once called her best friend, I realize just how hard it is going to be for her to get back to herself.

            Anger at the men who did this to her courses through my veins. I almost wish they weren’t already dead so I could inflict a portion of the torture they put her through on them. Almost.

            Christina somehow managed to convince Tris to let her try to brush out her hair. It has been a bit of a mess since she got her, knotted in a heap on top of her head, but it has been the least of our worries thus far.

            I stand in the back of the room observing everyone until Taylor comes in. He has another tube of the cream I put on Tris’ back yesterday in his hand.

            “Mr. Eaton, since you’re back, would you mind applying the ointment to Ms. Prior’s back again? Is that okay with you, Tris?” Taylor asks, handing me the tube.

            Tris looks at me and nods once.

            I make my way over to her and untie the top of the hospital gown she was put into yesterday. She clutches it to her front, but lets the back slide open. I am pleasantly surprised that her back does look marginally better than it did when I did this yesterday. It still looks unbearably painful, but I’ll take any improvement, no matter how small.

            As I start to spread the ointment on her back, Taylor talks to Tris.

            “Well, I think we’ve finally got a handle on what to do with you, Ms. Prior. If you’re lucky, you’ll be out of here in a week,” Taylor tells her. I can’t see Tris’ face at the news, but it must not have been as excited as Taylor thought it should be because he says, “Unless there’s a reason you think you should stay?”

            “I . . .” Tris struggles for the right words. “I don’t have anywhere to go.”

            “Of course you do. You’ll be coming home with me,” I say, very matter of factly. It just seemed assumed to me, but of course Tris would never assume something like that.

            I finish rubbing the ointment into her back, tie her gown back together, and sit on the edge of her bed in front of her. She looks at me, that same quizzical look I get every now and then from her. I think it’s her trying to decide if I’m real or a simulation.

            “Chocolate cake,” I say, and she relaxes.

            “Well, we’re hoping you would be open to the idea of trying to get down some solid food tonight, Tris. We had to insert a feeding tube because you were so malnourished, and sedated, but we’d like to get you on solids as soon as possible. Does that sound okay to you?”

            It takes Tris a moment to realize the Doctor is actually asking for her permission. I imagine she didn’t have a say over . . . anything in the last three years. She’s not used to it. “Oh, um . . . yeah,” she mumbles.

            “We’d like to keep you here for the next six days, just for observation. Making sure you’re keeping the food down, check on the progress of your back, and do another scan on your wrists after they’ve been in the braces for a while to make sure they’re healing properly. You were a healthy, active girl before all of this. Physically, you should be able to bounce back relatively quickly. Give yourself six to eight months and I imagine your body will feel back to normal.

            “Mentally . . .” I stiffen as the doctor changes the subject. “I don’t know what horrors you faced while you were away, but, from what I’ve heard from this fine group of people around you, you’re strong. Lean on them and they’ll carry you when you can’t carry yourself.”

            Doctor Taylor leaves after that. He gives me a look that lets me know I’ll be taking to him, privately, soon.

            “Tris could I – could we talk for a minute? Alone?” Caleb speaks up. I narrow my eyes at him, but he doesn’t back down.

            Tris looks from Caleb to me, and back again, unsure what to say. I know Caleb would never intentionally say something to upset her, and I know she’s his sister and he deserves some time alone with her. I don’t like it, but I should give them at least a few minutes alone.

            “Chocolate cake?” Tris whispers to me. I can’t help the small smile that crosses my lips.

            “Chocolate cake. I wont be far, okay?” I take a chance and place a hand lightly behind her head and place the softest of kisses to her temple. I take the fact that she didn’t flinch away as a very good sign.

            I nod at Caleb on my way out, and Christina and Zeke follow me.

            “I just . . . I can’t believe she’s actually here. I don’t even really know what to say to her,” Christina says as we gather in a cluster down the hall.

            “She’s still in there. I’ve seen it, we just have to get her to believe we’re still there for her,” I say, wishing it would be as easy as my words make it seem.

            “How are you? We all know that hole in the wall is thanks to you,” Zeke says.

            “The doctor told me they ran a test on Tris to see if she was sexually assaulted. I didn’t handle it very well.”

            Both of their eyes go wide, and Christina’s instantly shine with unshed tears.

            “She – she wasn’t. Matthew . . . he stole her file from that place. It goes into . . . excruciating detail of nearly every day she was there. Taylor asked me to read it so they would know if there were other things she needed to be treated for. Someone tried to . . . touch her once. She killed him with her bare hands,” I can’t stop the words from sputtering out of my mouth. I know Zeke and Christina won’t go around telling everyone Tris’ secrets, and it feels nice to get some of it off of my chest. I won’t tell them all of the details I got from the file, but for now I just need the comfort of talking to old friends.

            “Damn. And my first thought when I ever saw her was that she would never make it through initiation,” Zeke mutters.

            “You read the whole file? You know everything they did to her?” Christina asks, her Candor curiosity for the truth peaking out.

            “I – I can’t tell you what happened to her. I only read it to be able to help her get better.”

            They both nod, understanding where I’m coming from.

            “I don’t know if I’d want to know anyway,” Zeke says, shaking his head lightly.

            “Trust me. You don’t.”

 

~.~.~

 

            Thirty minutes later Caleb exits the room, his eyes red and blotchy. He approaches us, telling us he has to get home to Susan and update her, then get back to work in the morning. He married Susan a year ago, and has been a teacher for two.

            I haven’t even thought about work since I got the message from Matthew. I’m assuming everyone at City Council knows Tris is back and don’t expect to see me for a while. I should let Johanna know, though. Eventually.

            “I’ll keep you updated,” I tell him, nodding as he exits gets on the elevator.

            Just as he leaves, Doctor Taylor approaches us.

            “I was hoping to talk to you all together, but I suppose three out of four is enough. Now, Mr. Eaton, I’m assuming you’ll be the primary caregiver to Ms. Prior upon her release?”

            I don’t like the term primary caregiver. It makes it sound like Tris is incapable of the most basic things. I know she’ll require a lot of attention and looking after for a while, but I don’t like how Taylor makes it seem like a big burden on me.

            “Yes,” I reply. Taylor nods.

            “I’ll have a list of her medications drawn up for you. It shouldn’t be too many by a weeks end, but you’ll have to keep track of them and make sure she’s actually taking them. Other than that, your biggest challenge will be re-acclimating her to her old life. Which will be harder than it sounds, considering her old life doesn’t exist anymore. She’ll be confused and scared and unsure for a long time before she really becomes more like the girl you all once knew. Are you sure you can handle that?”

            “Absolutely,” I have no doubt.

            Before he can continue a nurse walks up to us. “Mr. Eaton? You have a phone call.”

            I frown, unsure who would call me here. I follow her to a desk not far from Tris’ room and take the outstretched phone.

            “Hello?” I ask.

            “Tobias. Are the rumors true?” Johanna.

            “Yes,” I reply. “She’s back.”


	7. Chapter 6

_**CHAPTER 6** _

_Ouch, I have lost myself again. Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found. Yeah, I think that I might break. I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe. Be my friend; hold me. Warm me up; enfold me. I am small and needy. Warm me up and breathe me. ~ Sia, Breathe Me_

**TOBIAS POV:**

"You smell different," Tris mumbles. So quietly I don't think I was meant to hear it. I just finished applying another layer of the ointment on her back. I was happy to notice there seemed to be a new, thin layer of skin forming over most of her welts.

I sit on the edge of her bed, wiping my hands clean of the ointment on a small cloth, thinking about her odd statement.

"A few years ago we started importing different soap from the Bureau," I don't miss Tris' wince at the mention of the Bureau. I move on quickly, "Abnegation used to make it, but with no factions, it's one of the things we decided to stop producing and start importing."

"Oh," is all she says. Tris pulls her legs up to her chest and leans her back against the flimsy hospital bed headboard. I can't wait to be able to get her out of here. My apartment might be small, but I know it'll be more comfortable than this hospital room.

"I thought . . ." Tris starts, her voice a little stronger than before, but still hardly above a whisper.

"You can talk to me, Tris. Chocolate cake," I try to give her my most comforting smile, but I don't know if it's all that comforting. Smiling has never come naturally to me.

"I thought . . . I guess you still could have . . . But maybe there was someone else. And you smelled like her," Tris admits.

I'm confused by her jumbled words for a moment. And then it hits me. She thinks I moved on with someone else. She thinks I smell like a new girl.

"There's never been anyone else, Tris. Zeke forced me to go on a date . . . almost two years ago, but it was an absolute disaster. I'll tell you about it sometime, it'll give you a good laugh."

Tris pulls her knees even tighter into her chest and lays her head on them. I'm glad they've stopped restraining her limbs. Her eyes look at me every few seconds, but when she sees I'm looking at her she's quick to look away.

"I know it's going to take you a while to really believe me. You've been through . . . more than anyone can possibly imagine. But, whenever you're ready to talk, about anything, I'm here. If you want to know about how the new city works, or about what happened after . . . I'll tell you anything. You just have to ask."

I know Tris communicating with me will be essential if she's going to fully recover from her physical and mental wounds. I need her to understand she can trust me to keep anything we say between us, so long as a doctor doesn't need to get involved.

It hits me that this is the first time I've actually gotten to really talk to Tris since she got here . . . one, two days ago? I can't even remember. I'm thankful to have friends here with us, but I'm also thankful that they're all at the cafeteria in the hospital at the moment. I haven't slept more than an hour at a time, I don't remember when the last time I ate or drank anything was, but I know I haven't felt this . . . _good_ in years.

I can't stop my hand from lightly brushing her hair behind her ear. Christina has brushed it, but it still has yet to be washed. I place a soft kiss on her forehead and notice her . . . unflattering scent, too.

"Do you want me to see if they can get you into a shower?" I ask her.

Tris frowns and pulls a lock of her hair to her nose to sniff. Once she takes a whiff her frown deepens. She looks at both of her wrists, covered in tight braces, and then at me. She doesn't have to speak for me to know what she's asking.

"I'll help. Let me go ask a nurse, okay?"

Tris nods, her cheeks turning a light pink.

I speak to the nurse at the desk right outside of Tris' room. She informs me that the door labeled bathroom in Tris' room is, in fact, a bathroom with a shower, stocked with everything she would need. I don't appreciate her tone, but I don't have time to deal with her.

I notice a cart filled with supplies down the hall a bit and walk over to see what they have. I take a towel and a pair of dark blue doctor scrubs and go back to Tris' room. The nurse at the desk sees my arms filled with supplies and tries to shout at me, but I only glare at her as I close the door.

I went scavenging," I smile at Tris, who is still sitting in the same spot she was when I left. She looks more nervous now though. Uncertain.

"I got you some more comfortable clothes for after your shower. Can you walk on your own?" I don't want to seem like I'm babying her, but I also don't want her overexerting herself too much; she just got here a few days ago, she needs to rest. I start to second-guess my shower suggestion, but no one even knows when the last time she got to shower was. I'm sure a warm shower would do more good than harm.

Tris stares at me for a few seconds, probably trying to think of a way she could shower on her own, but I stare right back, challenging her. We both know I would win the argument.

Tris slowly and carefully stretches her legs out and swings them over the edge of her bed. She stands and a small look of pride crosses her face. I wear a matching one.

I put a hand on her back and give her a small push to get her walking. The bathroom is small, there's not even a separate spot for the shower. The shower tile covers the whole bathroom, but the showerhead and drain take up a small corner, the toilet and sink on the other side of the room.

I set the clothes and towel on the small counter and work on unwrapping the package of soap and shampoo, setting them neatly on the small shelf in the corner of the 'shower'.

I look at Tris, standing as far away from me as possible in the small room, and see she's retreated in on herself again.

I hold my hand out for her, hoping she'll come to me on her own. "It's okay."

She shuffles over to me, holding her hands in front of herself awkwardly. She doesn't meet my eyes, and I know she's embarrassed. I've seen her naked body once, a memory that has been marred by the next day's events, but it was still one of the most personal and life changing moments of my life. But I won't be looking at Tris' body like that right now. She's weak and fragile and just needs someone to take care of her.

I turn the shower on to let it warm up, and stand behind Tris to untie her hospital gown. It falls in a pile on the floor and I kick it out of the way.

Tris' cheeks flame up and her eyes instantly fall to the floor, but I cup her cheek in my palm and lift her eyes to mine.

"Please, just let me take care of you," I beg.

My only answer is Tris dropping her head to my shoulder, as if surrendering herself to me.

I place my hands lightly on her hips and guide us under the water, uncaring that my clothes are instantly soaked. Tris' body flinches slightly.

"Is it too hot?" I ask her.

"No . . . I just . . ."

It seems like every muscle in her body is tense, and she's becoming more agitated by the shower. Tris eventually starts to back away from me and the spray of water, and I remember it.

The water torture.

"It's okay. We just need to get you clean, that's all. Here," I pull her hand to me despite her weak protests and place it over my racing heart. "Focus on this, okay?"

She gives me the smallest of nods and takes a few small steps back towards me, her hand never leaving my chest.

I stand in front of Tris and dip her head backwards under the water to soak her hair. Just rinsing water through it made the blond a few shades lighter; dirt and grim swirling down the drain.

I apply nearly the whole, mini bottle of shampoo to her hair, lathering the strands and scrubbing her scalp. Tris seems to enjoy the scalp massage, a small hum escaping her, so I scrub for a few extra moments before I rinse the soap out thoroughly.

I grab one of the small towels I stole from the cart outside and lather it up with soap as well. I keep my eyes locked to hers and I gently guide the warm cloth along her body. I have to work around her hand clutching my chest, but its nothing I can't manage.

We've managed to get both of her braces completely soaked, so I make a mental note to ask the next nurse I see to replace them.

Once I have her thoroughly rinsed off I turn the spray off quickly and work on drying her with the large towel. As soon as the water is turned off her body slowly begins to relax.

When she's dry, I help Tris into the soft blue clothes all of the doctors are wearing. I know she's not supposed to have them, but they look considerably more comfortable than the hospital gown she was in.

"Anything else you need? There's a toothbrush – " the words are barely out of my mouth before she has the brush coated in the white paste and is quickly working it across her teeth. I smile at her eagerness.

When she's done she looks at me. I'm sure I look like a mess. My clothes are soaked through and my hair is dripping on my forehead. I don't care though.

"You're all wet," Tris says.

"It's all right. I'll get some fresh clothes later," I peel my soaked t-shirt off quickly and start to wring it out, just to make it a little more comfortable until I can make it home to change. I hear Tris gasp.

She sees the large crow that covers the skin above my heart. I got it a year ago.

I let her stare and come to her own conclusions before I put my still soaking t-shirt back on.

"Come on, let's get you back in bed," I say, a guiding hand behind her again.

When we exit the bathroom Zeke and Christina are sitting in their spots around the room again. They both smile enthusiastically at Tris as she walks back over to her bed and climbs in.

I sit in my chair beside her.

"So, what did Johanna want?" Christina asks.

"She wanted to know if the, uh, rumors were true," I tell her. I don't want to think about Johanna or what this really means for the city right now. It is an obvious betrayal by the Bureau for them to have been working with these scientists. Did they know Tris was there? Or were they just as fooled as the rest of us? My gut tells me it's the former.

"Shits probably about to hit the fan at work for you, huh?" Zeke asks.

"I haven't really thought about it," I shrug. I have more important things to worry about right now.

~.~.~

Tris is brought a small dinner, not unlike what an average abnegation meal looked like, and eats only a few bites of it. It's not surprising, I know her appetite will come back with time, but I do wish she could put on some more weight, I hate seeing her bones so prominent.

The next few days are all very similar to each other. I go home while Tris sleeps, always sedated by the doctors, and change into fresh clothes, sometimes shutting my eyes for an hour or two, before heading back to Tris' room. I watch her eat, and see her make small conversation with her friends and brother, who spend as much time with her as they can.

Tris still doesn't talk much, but she is getting more expressive. She smiles and frowns and sometimes grunts when someone says or does something she doesn't like. I get the feeling that emotions were not very tolerated by the scientists that had her.

I've noticed she's started to get very clingy. Whenever I'm in the room her eyes rarely leave me, and when I'm sitting next to her in a chair, or sometimes lying next to her in her bed, she's always got her small hand clutching mine. I used to think it was because she thought she was in a simulation that was going to kill me off, but I'm starting to think she's just scared of everyone but me.

Doctors and nurses freely come and go in her room, and she's nervous around all of them. I don't blame her.

The morning Doctor Taylor is discharging Tris from the hospital, I stand with him and Caleb in the hall outside of her room. He has told us that her increased food consumption is a great sign, and that all of her tests are coming back clear and normal.

"Tobias will be taking her home, correct?" he asks.

"Yes," I say with a smile. I have my bedroom all set up for her. I've got extra blankets and pillows for her as she tends to run cold these days. And I have a cabinet full of all the medication Doctor Taylor has already given me for her. Sedatives, antibiotics, and a slew of other things that Tris needs to help build up her strength.

"I'd like to see her again in a month, just to check up on her back and wrists. Other than that, call me if you have any issues," Taylor signs off on something on his clipboard and hands it to the nurse.

Tris has been discharged.

Tris is _free_.

~.~.~

Tris has to be wheeled through the hospital, much to her embarrassment, but it's a rule she can't talk herself out of. I have a government car waiting for us outside that will drive us the short distance to my apartment. I didn't want Tris straining herself to walk too far outside.

The drive is short and Tris easily makes it into the apartment. Neither of us expected to see my mother sitting on the couch.

"Evelyn, what are you doing here?" I ask, rather harshly. I still don't have the best relationship with my mother, but we're cordial to each other. I think that's the best it'll ever be.

"I came to see if the rumors were true," she tells me, looking at Tris. I don't appreciate the harshness in her eyes.

"I think it would be best if you left now. I'll talk to you later."

Evelyn stands quickly and walks over to us. She makes a show of hugging me and then looks to Tris. "I'm glad you're okay," she says, surprisingly sweetly, and leaves.

"I'm sorry. She rarely comes by here. We don't talk much," I shrug. I look at Tris, but she's looking around the apartment.

"It's bigger than what I had at Dauntless, but it's still pretty tiny. I don't need much space," I ramble. I don't tell her that I'm in the process of looking for a bigger place. A lot of the government officials live in a certain part of town close to the City Council building, but I never felt the need. The apartments are bigger and the security tighter. Those are definitely two perks I'm more interested in now that Tris is here.

I walk Tris into my bedroom. "You'll be staying here. Christina went out and got you some clothes, so you'll be able to change out of those blue scrubs. The bathroom is through there; everything you'll need is in there. But if you're missing something, let me know," I ramble nervously. This is what I've wanted for years, but now that Tris is here I can't help but wonder at what will happen next.

I want her here, indefinitely. I want her to get stronger and healthier and I want her to want to stay here, not have to stay here because she has nowhere else to go. I want her to grow up and find a job that she wants to do instead of something she was assigned. I want to fall asleep next to her every night and make her breakfast in the morning. I want to marry her and call her my wife so that, no matter what, no one can take her away from me again.


	8. Chapter 7

_**CHAPTER 7** _

_Now is all we got, and time can't be bought. I know it inside my heart, forever will forever be ours. Even if we try to forget, love will remember. ~ Selena Gomez, Love Will Remember_

**TOBIAS POV:**

I sit on the couch and let Tris look around. She's still standing right inside the door of the bedroom, her eyes darting around. I want her to get acclimated here at her own pace, so I don't push her to do anything else. I just retreat to the couch in the small living room and give her some space.

After a few moments Tris sits opposite of me on the couch. She places her hands lightly in her lap, still confined tightly in her braces. She still looks around the small living room, her eyes taking in every crevice of the apartment.

"What was your escape plan for the hospital room?" I ask her.

Her eyes snap to me, wide and nervous. She waits another minute before answering.

"The window. We were only a few stories up. I could've jumped it."

"The windows in the hospital don't open. Security hazard. We also made them bullet proof. What next?"

"The hall –"

"Was full of nurses who would have taken you down. Although I have no doubt you would have made some headway before they got to you."

Tris slumps in her spot on the couch, fiddling with her thumbs.

"You're a fighter. I've loved that about you from day one. But, for now, I need you to stop. I need you to rest and reflect and heal. I know you still get . . . nervous that you're back in that place. But I need you to know that I'll never let that happen to you again. I'll never fail you like that again."

Tris' eyes meet mine and for the first time since she's been back she looks sad. She's been scared and angry and confused, but I've never seen her sad.

"You didn't fail me. Please don't . . . I don't want you to feel guilty for what happened," she whispers.

This is the deepest, most honest conversation we've had since she's been back, and its obviously making Tris uncomfortable. Her eyes won't meet mine anymore, and she has her long hair shielding the rest of her face from me. It doesn't take long for her to stand up and search for an escape.

"You can go take a nap if you want. It's been a busy day," its only the late afternoon but I know her discharge from the hospital and the trek here took a lot out of her. Her body is improving, but is still weak and in need of more rest than usual.

"Thanks," Tris mumbles and scurries off.

I keep my spot on the couch for a few minutes before I get up to make us something for an early dinner. Tris is on a strict diet, only foods that will help her gain the right kind of weight she needs. Nothing too heavy either. She's still getting used to solid foods. I cook us both a simple chicken breast with some vegetables. It's quick and easy and something I know Tris will be okay with. She's had a lot of chicken since she's been back.

When the food is done I peak my head into the bedroom, just to make sure she's okay. I can't help the wide grin that covers my face when I see Tris wearing a sweater of mine that is about three sizes too big for her, snuggled under my blue comforter, her shiny blond hair pooled around her. I close the door quietly.

My heart starts to race and my eyes start to burn. The room starts to spin and my legs begin to shake.

_She's here._

_She's alive._

_She's going to be okay_.

My back slides down the closed bedroom door as I repeat my mantra over and over until my body relaxes. I've had fits like this for the past week. I'll see Tris, the girl I knew three years ago, in this broken woman before me and I can't stop my body from reacting. I feel everything: the pain of losing her, the regret of not being there for her after we got to the Bureau. I relive the uncertainty of everything surrounding her supposed death and revel in the all-consuming joy of having her back. My mind gets filled with images of what those men did to her and I get too overwhelmed from everything to even stand.

So, I created a mantra to calm me down every time it happens.

She's here.

She's alive.

She's going to be okay.

~.~.~

I must have fallen asleep on the couch. Sometime later I wake up to the soft sounds of chewing. I open my eyes and see Tris, still wearing my oversized sweater, sitting on the floor between the couch and the small table in front of it, eating a plate of chicken and vegetables. Her head is so close to mine, a few stray hairs stick to my nose as I breathe in. I don't mind though.

I keep my breathing even and just listen to Tris eat her dinner, enjoying the closeness for as long as I can. I know I'll have to make a quiet movement to let Tris know I'm awake. I don't want to startle her.

I take a deep breath and yawn. I notice Tris flinch, but only slightly.

"Is your food okay?" I ask her.

"Delicious. Thank you," Tris smiles up at me, and my heart fills with pride.

Ever since she's been back, I've been graced with a few Tris smiles and they make me embarrassingly happy.

~.~.~

"Christina wants to throw you a party tomorrow night," I mention as Tris watches me clean up the kitchen a short while later. "She promised me it wouldn't be big. Just you, her, Caleb, Susan, Zeke, and me. Just a small welcome home dinner."

"Oh. That's okay I guess," Tris murmurs.

"If you don't want to do it, she'll understand."

"Its just – I don't know them anymore. I don't know how to act around them."

"How do you act around me?" I ask her, genuinely curious.

"You're different."

"How?" I push.

I look over at her and take in her defensive stance. She's in the corner of the kitchen, her back against the cabinets and her hands gripping the countertop so hard her knuckles are white.

I rinse off my hands and walk towards her, slowly. I pry her fingers away from the counter and hold both of her hands in mine.

"You're the only one I let myself think of after a while. It hurt, knowing I would never see them again, but thinking about them too much hurt, too. So I just stopped. But not thinking about you . . . hurt too much to even consider."

Tris' eyes get glassy and meet mine in a panic.

"Please, please don't leave me. I don't care if this is a simulation I just – I _missed_ you," her arms lock around me and pull me to her with a surprising amount of strength. I don't hesitate to pull her to me with just as much enthusiasm.

"It's okay. Chocolate cake. It's okay," I repeat, over and over. I can feel my shirt becoming wet with tears.

I wrap my arms a little more securely around Tris' waist and lift her up; our bodies flush against each other's. I get us to the bedroom and lay Tris down under the comforter before joining her. She keeps her head buried in my chest.

Hours later I feel Tris' body relax into sleep. But mine never does.

~.~.~

Tris sleeps for most of the next day. I left her alone to sleep early this morning, and I haven't heard anything from her since. She didn't even wake when I took a shower a few hours ago.

I've tried to keep myself busy. I pulled out the small computer I keep here and attempted to work a little, but I just ended up staring at the black screen for an hour, thinking of the girl sleeping in my bed.

I sent Johanna a message saying I would be unavailable. Indefinitely.

Christina was here earlier, making sure I would bring Tris to her house tonight. She's promised it's just a quiet dinner, and I know she wouldn't do anything to upset Tris so I believe her.

An hour before we need to head out to Christina's I go to the bedroom to wake up Tris. She's still peacefully curled up in the middle of the bed, just as she was the last time I checked on her.

I carefully sit on the bed next to her and run my fingers lightly through her hair, whispering her name to try and carefully wake her up. The second my fingers make contact with her skin two tiny hands are wrapped around my throat, tightening around my vocal chords.

I can't speak, so telling Tris our code word is out of the question. She probably expects this simulation version of myself to fight back, so I do the opposite. I cup her cheek in the palm of one of my hands, running my thumb over the dark circles under her eyes, eyes that are filled with pure terror.

Seconds later the terror softens and her hands loosen.

I take a much-needed deep breath, reveling in the oxygen that fills my lungs.

"I- I'm –" Tris stutters, eyes wide and worried. She scrambles up in the bed, curling her legs up to her chest.

"It's okay. You were just scared. You're okay," I tell her, hoping to calm her down.

I'd like to comfort her, hold her hand or stroke her hair, but I don't want to upset her again. So we stare at each other.

Eventually Tris' hands slowly go to my neck again, but this time they softly trace the skin there, outlining what I imagine to be bruises in the shape of her hands already forming on my skin.

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," the apologies flow out of Tris' mouth, but they do not sound apologetic. It's like she's pleading with me. Begging me not to hurt her in return.

"It's okay Tris. It's okay. I – " I hesitate. I want to be honest with Tris. I can't keep the fact that I know details about what happened while she was gone a secret forever. I've been waiting for the right time to tell her, but I don't think there will ever be a good time for this conversation.

"I know what they did to you. Matthew had your file from that place. I didn't want anyone to read it; _I_ didn't want to read it. The doctors needed to know, though. I just . . . I want you to know that you don't have to be okay right away. You've been through hell and you've only been back a little over a week. You deserve to be upset. You have the right to be angry. I don't want you to beat yourself up because of a little slip up. Yeah, we might want to work on the strangling issue, but if you're mad, get mad. Yell, scream, hell, break something. Don't push your emotions down for anyone else anymore."

"You're not mad at me for . . . strangling you?" Tris whispers, fiddling her thumbs and avoiding my eyes.

"No. Are you mad at me for reading your file?" I ask.

"Yes."

I look around the room, searching for something breakable. The best I can come up with is a pencil sitting on the bedside table, and I hand it to Tris. She just looks at me for a moment, unsure why I would give her a pencil.

Then she snaps it, a small smile covering her face.

"Do you feel a little better?" I ask her.

"Yeah," she smirks. Looking around, supposedly for something else to break. I sweep my arm in front of me, allowing her to break anything she wants.

Thirty minutes later my bedroom is destroyed. The lamp is shattered against the wall, the feathers that once filled the pillows float around us, and various small items are scattered around the room.

I don't mind though, because I see the first, true, smile on Tris' face in three years.

~.~.~

A loud crack of thunder rumbles as we enter Christina's small house. We redesigned and rebuilt houses around the old Abnegation sector where anyone could choose to live. Most of those here work odd jobs around the city, maintenance, childcare, small business runners, and things like that. Christina has a small clothing boutique down the street.

Everyone is already there when we arrive. Christina and Zeke are discussing something in the small kitchen across the main floor, and Caleb and Susan are sitting quietly in the living room, closest to us.

"Beatrice," Caleb says, approaching his sister slowly. He smiles at her, gauging her response before he begins to approach her for a hug. Tris stiffens, but accepts the hug and responds with a small one of her own.

Her growth from just being back just a week is obvious. I know we still have a long way to go, but I know with time we'll be able to reassure her that we're all here to stay. That she's safe, and that she can now grow into the free woman she deserves to be.

"Beatrice, it's . . . so good to see you," Susan says quietly. She doesn't reach out to hug Tris, but she does take one of Tris' hands between both of her own, offering her own kind of comfort.

Oddly enough, Tris seems to truly appreciate the gesture, offering Susan a small smile.

"You guys made it! I told you they wouldn't ditch me," Christina says pointedly at Zeke. She sets a few dishes down on her small dining table and comes over to greet Tris.

"You look good. Are you feeling okay?" Christina asks her, wrapping her arm around Tris' and leading her toward the table.

"Dude, what happened to your neck?" Zeke blurts out and all eyes turn to me.

"It's not important," I tell him, giving him a glare that I hope will make him change the subject.

"Did someone strangle you? What the _hell_ have you been doing?" Zeke presses, his fingers touching the raw skin around my neck. I hiss at the contact.

"We just had an . . . incident. It's fine now," I brush past him, sitting down at the table next to Tris. "This looks delicious, Christina."

"Thanks! I'm still getting used to this whole cooking thing."

Everyone begins to eat, but Tris just looks down at her plate, a sad frown on her face.

"It's okay. I'm fine; you're fine. Eat your dinner," I push her plate closer to her, and she picks up her fork to start.

The conversation is easily forgotten. I'm sure everyone can guess where the bruises came from. Tris does seem to enjoy herself, though she doesn't talk much. I catch a smile or two. I make a mental note to try and have nights like this at least once a week. I think being around people, besides just myself, would be good for Tris. She needs to know she has a good support system and doesn't have to just rely on me. I'd do anything for her, of course, but I'm sure there are some things she'd rather talk to someone else about.

Susan and Caleb get up to help Christina clean up her kitchen, and I follow them, our inner Abnegation coming out.

"Can I – I'd like to sit outside for a few minutes, if that's okay?" Tris asks, looking between Christina and myself.

"Of course! There are a few chairs sitting on the porch out front," Christina tells her with a smile.

As Tris leaves, Zeke pats my shoulder and whispers, "I'll keep an eye on her," and follows her out.

"So, how _did_ you get those marks?" Christina asks.

"I woke her up. She must have been having a nightmare," I shrug.

"You sure you're okay?" Christina asks, and I nod.

"Maybe . . ." Caleb starts, but is interrupted by a scream we all know all too well.

It's a mad dash to the front door. Tris is huddled in the corner of the porch, just screaming. Zeke is sitting on one of two chairs that had been pulled out to the sidewalk. A steady rain is now falling from the dark sky.

"Shit," I mumble.

I walk slowly toward Tris, bending down to her eye level.

"Tris, it's me. Tobias. You're okay, it's just raining. Chocolate cake," I tell her, hoping she can hear me through her screams.

The screams eventually turn into sobs. When that happens, Tris throws her arms around me, her fingers clutching herself as close to me as possible.

All I can do is murmur comforting words to her and she escapes the horrors of her mind.

I stand with Tris in my arms easily and walk back into Christina's house. I sit on her couch with Tris in my lap for a few minutes, before I can tell that Tris has cried herself to sleep. I gently place her on the couch to let her sleep her terrors off.

When I look up I see four pairs of curious eyes on me. We gather in the kitchen so I can still keep an eye on Tris.

"This just makes my point of what I was going to say earlier. I think Tris needs space from Four. It's not healthy for her to be so attached, and your neck – "

"This isn't your decision," I tell him.

"What makes you think its yours?" Caleb challenges.

"I was there for her! Since day _fucking_ one when I met her I was there. Don't even pretend you can say the same," I whisper-shout at him, appalled that he has the nerve to think I don't have Tris' best interests at heart.

"Oh, yeah, the almighty instructor here to save the day," Caleb mocks, shoving me away from him.

I don't have to retaliate against him, because Tris moves to stand in front of me.

"Tris – " Caleb starts, but she doesn't let him finish.

" _Don't touch him_. I've – forgiven everything that we all had to do during the war. I don't hold grudges, and you shouldn't either. I don't want to think about it anymore. Please, I don't want to think," Tris tells us. "Don't fight."

Caleb looks at her, eyes wide. It's probably the most he's heard her say at once since she's been back.

"I'm sorry," he whispers to her. I have a feeling it is meant for me as well.

"Can we go home now?" Tris whispers, just to me.

"Of course," I tell her. She'll never know how happy it made me to hear her call the apartment I've suffered in for three years her home now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got this completely written now! Expect a chapter a day for the next two, then we're done! I hope you all have enjoyed this story!


	9. Chapter 8

_**CHAPTER 8** _

_Oh, don't say that it's over. Oh, no, say it ain't so. Let's let the stars watch, let them stare. Let the wind eavesdrop, I don't care. For all that we've got, don't let go. ~ The Civil Wars, Eavesdrop_

**TOBIAS POV:**

The last two weeks have been interesting. It is fascinating watching Tris as she re-acclimates herself to a normal life. The simplest of things can bring her so much pleasure. It is heartwarming to watch until my stomach drops, remembering what made her this way. I try not to dwell on that too often, though.

I get more and more glimpses of the girl I once knew. While the scared, tortured girl will always be in her, Tris has made remarkable progress after being back less than a month.

For the first few weeks, I never let her leave my sight. I still wouldn't if I had my way. It was a week after she had been discharged from the hospital that I had to leave her at the apartment alone for the day.

_I got a call from Johanna early this morning, asking me to come into the office for the afternoon. I was adamantly against it, but when my shouting woke up Tris, she was quick to tell me to go._

_Before I agreed to go, I made Tris promise to call me every couple of hours. I didn't care what I was doing when she called; I just needed to know she was okay. She hasn't been out of my sight for more than a few minutes since she got out of the hospital._

_I think I was more worried about leaving her alone than she was of being alone. I tried to take comfort in that throughout the day, but nothing eased the pit in my stomach that something would happen to her while I wasn't there._

_She was groggy on our first call, like she had just woken up. It was only nine in the morning, so it was understandable. She still has a lot of recovering to do, and the doctor says she needs to rest as often as possible._

_"I'm fine, Tobias. Please stop worrying, you've missed too much work as it is."_

_"They don't need me here. I get plenty done at home," I grumble, wishing the day would go by faster._

_"Do your job. Come home when you can. I'll be here, I promise."_

_I try to focus on the stack of papers that has taken over my small office, I really do, but the afternoon drags on._

_I call Tris thirty minutes earlier the next time, and when she doesn't pick up after the first few rings I start to panic. Then Tris answers, out of breath, and tells me she was taking a shower. She scolds me for calling early. It makes me smile._

_Something smells . . . off when I open the door to the apartment that night. I enter quickly, and the scent becomes stronger and even more unpleasant. I look towards the kitchen, where the stench seems to be coming from, and see Tris pull something dark out of the oven, and angrily toss it on the counter._

_"What did you do?" I ask with a chuckle._

_"You're home early. Of course," she grumbles. "I was trying to make dinner. I just – I haven't – " she gives up with a sigh._

_"You don't have to cook us dinner, Tris."_

_"I know I don't have to. You've just . . . rearranged your whole life for me. I can't give you much else than trying to cook you dinner," Tris whispers, sitting at the small kitchen table._

_I sit next to her and grasp one of her hands in mine, needing the contact._

_"Hey. You don't have to do anything for me. I know you're still adjusting, but having you here is all I could have ever hoped for since you've been gone. Take time to rest and adjust. Don't feel like you owe me anything."_

I arranged a new work schedule with Johanna; I'll go into two times a week for the foreseeable future. Ever since Tris' first failed attempt, on the days when I'm at work, she has dinner at home waiting for me. She looks remarkably proud of herself every time she manages to cook a meal without burning the building down.

We both tended to tip toe around each other in the beginning. She was still wary about being back, and I didn't know what little things I could do or say that might set her off.

We had one big fight, just a few days ago, but ever since things have seemed very natural between us. Not the same as they used to be, things would never get back to that, but I think we're close to finding our new normal.

_I'm tired and frustrated when I get home. Everyone at City Council is busy working on a test of the power grid. Someone managed to delete the entire file with all of our information regarding the work on the grid, so I spent all day working to try and retrieve it._

_I managed to fix the issue, but it took me nine hours. Needless to say, I'm a little more than exhausted._

_When I get home, Tris is sitting at the kitchen table, papers surrounding her. I frown, unsure what kind of paperwork she would be reading, but then I see the manila folder sitting next to her._

_Her file._

_"Tris – "_

_Her eyes snap to me, and I know I'm in for a fight. Not a heated argument with her, but a fight to get her to understand she's safe._

_"No, no, no, no," Tris mutters, quickly gathering all of the papers up around her, stuffing them haphazardly into the folder._

_"It's okay, Tris. You're safe here," I tell her, walking towards her slowly._

_"No, it's not okay! You shouldn't know all of this!" she screams. Maybe I was in for a fight._

_"I had to. The doctors needed – "_

_"What about what I needed?"_

_"Tris . . ."_

_"I don't need you to take care of me. I don't want to be a chore for you. You know too much to ever not see me as baggage."_

_"You're not – "_

_"I am! You call to check up on me all the time, I can't even shower without you there because I –" Tris takes a deep, calming breath. "I want you to_ want _me," she finally whispers._

_My eyebrows shoot up and my eyes widen before I can control my reaction. This is not where I expected this conversation to go._

" _You think I don't . . . want you?" I ask._

" _I know you want me here and want to take care of me, but I'm scared that once I'm . . . normal you'll just –"_

_I take Tris' hand and lead her to the couch. I sit on the table in front of her, resting my elbows on my knees._

" _I worry about you. After what happened, I don't think that will ever change. But that doesn't mean . . . that doesn't mean when you're better I won't still be there. I want you, Tris. I want to be your friend, someone you can talk to about the things you went through without feeling ashamed of it. But I also want more. I want to call you my girlfriend without worrying that it'll give you a panic attack. I want to take you on a date. I want to kiss you. I want to make love to you._

" _I know a lot of those things will take time, and I can wait. But just because I'm patient doesn't mean I don't still want everything with you."_

Things have been good since that last blow out. I'm pretty sure Tris has come to terms that she's not in a simulation most of the time. She does still wake up from nightmares every night, but I still have nightmares from the war, so I don't expect to see those going away any time soon.

Her back is almost completely healed. Whatever the ointment Doctor Taylor was having me put on Tris' back worked wonders. She does have a considerable amount of scaring from the injury, but at least they're no longer open flesh wounds.

Tris got both braces off of her wrists after two weeks, both of them having healed fairly fast. The doctors don't think there is really anything they can do about the burn marks. It's not like they've ever had this problem before, and their hesitant to try much more than a few different ointments that haven't worked yet.

I know Tris hates the marks that cover her arms and neck, but I don't mind them. She's here and alive. That's all I can really ask for.

Before leaving work I pull a grey button down shirt from the small closet I have in my office and button it up over my black t-shirt. I take a moment to attempt to make myself presentable, but I don't do much.

Tonight I'm taking Tris on a date.

She said she wanted me to want her, so I'm going to show her how much I want her. Just her, and nothing else.

I talked to Christina this morning and I know she went to the apartment about two hours ago to hang out with Tris, and subsequently get her ready for the date she doesn't know is happening.

My date activity could backfire tremendously, but I'm hoping Tris will enjoy it instead of focusing on the negative.

I'm about to unlock the front door, but decide to knock instead. I'll make this a proper date for her.

I hear shuffling and mumbling coming from inside, but I can't make anything out.

The door swings open and I can see Tris go from frustrated to curious to entertained in a matter of three seconds.

"Why are you knocking?" she asks me.

"I'm here to pick you up. For our date."

"Date?" she questions, a slender eyebrow arching up.

"Yes, date. Are you ready?" I reach for her hand, and give her a quick kiss on the cheek.

She instantly blushes.

"Oh, um –"

"Yes, she's ready! Have fun! Not too much fun, but fun!" Christina calls from inside.

I take Tris' hand in mine and pull her out the door.

Tonight there will be no worrying. I'm done treating Tris like my patient. If I keep that up, that is all our relationship will ever be from now on. Like I told her before, I want more.

Tris sighs as soon as she is outside, and then takes a deep breath of the fresh air. She doesn't get outside enough. I decide that from now on we'll go for a little walk around the city every night, just to get her out and moving more.

As we walk through the city most of the people who are out stop and stare at us. After the war news of what happened outside of the fence traveled fast, including Tris' death.

The news of her arrival traveled even faster.

Most don't know the details, but they know enough to be shocked that the girl next to me is still alive.

"Just ignore them," I whisper to Tris, wrapping my arm around her waist and pulling her as close to me as I can. I'm rewarded with a contented sigh and her head resting on my shoulder.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll have to hop on and see," I tell her just as the first car of the train speeds past us.

Trains aren't really anyone's first choice of transportation these days, but I thought Tris might still enjoy it. I know, after the first time, she always got a rush jumping on.

"You ready?" I ask.

As soon as she nods we're both running to jump on. I make it in first, and grab Tris' outstretched hand to help pull her in as well. She stands in the open car door, letting the wind whip her hair around her in blond waves.

She's beautiful.

Christina dressed her in a slim pair of jeans and a simple white sweater, but she's never looked more stunning to me.

I sit back and let her enjoy the ride. I watch as the city passes before us, remembering what train rides like this used to feel like. I used to sit on the train, surrounded by fellow Dauntless, feeling suffocated by everything. Wishing for a way out.

Now, we're both free.

I see our destination start to approach, and I stand up to get ready to jump.

"Let's go," I shout over the wind and take Tris' hand, jumping in sync.

We both stumble a bit on our landing. It's been too long since we've jumped out of a train.

"What are we doing here?" Tris asks, looking around at the roof we've landed on. The roof all Dauntless initiates have to jump off of.

"Reminiscing," I tell her and lead her over toward the edge. "The net is there, I had Zeke put it up."

We stand there for minutes, letting the wind breeze around us. Listening to the early evening sounds of the city. Remembering the last time each of us stood here, two years apart.

Tris grabs my hand and pulls me with her as she jumps.

When our bodies slam into the net below us, all of the air is knocked out of my lungs. Flashbacks of the last time I did this run through my mind, but I try not to dwell on them. The most glorious sound pulls me out of my musings.

Tris is lying on the net next to me, a full-body laugh escaping her.

Eventually she calms and looks over at me. "That was fun."

"I'm glad you liked it," I say, grabbing her hand and helping her out of the net.

"Where to next?" she asks me.

"Wherever we want. Nobody really lives here anymore. It's used to store some equipment, but other than that it's always empty. I had Zeke come by and turn on the power for us."

Tris and I walk through Dauntless, a melancholy smile on Tris' face. I can only imagine what is going through her mind, maybe a life for us without a war. She would have been initiated and there wouldn't have been a simulation that ended up killing so many innocents. She could have gotten a job, maybe in the tattoo parlor with Tori. We could have been happy together, even if it was stuck in a faction neither of us truly fit in.

We end up at the Chasm. I shouldn't be surprised. I think, during Tris' short time at Dauntless, this was one of the only places she truly felt safe.

"Thank you for bringing me here," she says, sitting down.

"I thought you might want something . . . normal. Or as normal for you as we can get. Just because this isn't our life anymore, doesn't mean we can't be happy with how things are now."

"I'm getting better . . . right? I know I still have moments where I . . . but they're not as often, do you think?"

"The difference from your first day back is night and day, Tris. You've made a lot of progress. I'm proud of you," I tell her, soothing a lock of her hair back behind her ear.

I pull Tris' head closer to mine, leaning my forehead against hers. My eyes close, my body completely at ease. I leave us like that for a few moments, letting Tris get accustomed to the closeness.

"I love you," she whispers, causing my eyes to snap open.

Tris looks shocked, as if she didn't mean to actually say the words. I'm not going to let her regret it though.

"I love you, too," I tell her before pressing my lips softly to hers.

Tris is hesitant at first, but eventually she returns my kiss with fervor.

The rest of the night we spend being the kids we never really got to be. Having fun in the empty compound, leaving behind a mess neither of us intend to clean up. We revisit old spots within the Dauntless compound that hold both good and bad memories; the initiate dormitories, my old apartment, the spot where Peter nearly killed Tris, and the training area where I threw knives at her head.

When we've exhausted our time at Dauntless, I take Tris for one more surprise.

It's dark by the time we get there, but that doesn't matter. I lead her over to the ferris wheel, and sit down in one of the small boxes with her. She looks at me, confused as to why I would have her sit in a broken down ride until it lights up and we're floating above the city.

"This thing still works?" she asks, a smile on her face.

"I pulled a few strings," I shrug.

Tris looks around her over the darkening city. "This is amazing."

"I'm glad you like it."

"Thank you. For tonight and for everything. I know I've been a handful . . . but thank you for never giving up on me."

Tris lays her head on my shoulder, and I move as close to her as I can get.

"I'll never give up on you."

~.~.~

I'm unusually groggy the next morning. Tris and I got in late, but we went right to bed once we got in. We did, however, spend a good half hour before we actually went to bed kissing.

I turn on my side, my arm reaching out for Tris, but the bed is empty. I guess she's already up, attempting to make breakfast probably.

I throw my legs over the edge of the bed and stand, but nearly fall over, barely catching myself on the nightstand before I hit the ground.

Something isn't right.

"Tris!" I shout, but get no response.

My heart starts to race and the adrenaline gives me enough energy to get to the living room and kitchen.

Tables are overturned and lamps are shattered on the floor.

And Tris is gone.

 


	10. Chapter 9

_**CHAPTER 9** _

_So I bear my skin and I count my sins; and I close my eyes and I take it in. I'm bleeding out; I'm bleeding out for you. ~ Imagine Dragons, Bleeding Out_

**TOBIAS POV:**

My body is still struggling to wake up from whatever was used to knock me out while Tris was taken. My movements are sluggish and uncoordinated.

It's infuriating.

Without thinking much about the consequences of what I am about to do, I pull out my laptop and quickly sign on to the City Council server. I'm forced to enter about ten different codes, but within three minutes I hear the siren start outside.

"The city is on lockdown. Please find the nearest shelter and stay indoors until further notice. The city is on lockdown. Please find the nearest shelter and stay indoors until further notice."

Johanna's voice repeats the warning throughout the city. It'll go on for about ten minutes before it stops.

I stand and toss the laptop off of me, not caring when I hear it crash to the ground. Thankfully, my short break has granted me more control over my muscles. Standing is easier and my steps are in a straight line as I make my way toward the locked closet just off of the kitchen.

I pull the key out of it's hiding spot around the corner and quickly throw the doors open. I stare at the assortment of weaponry in front of me, quickly choosing a few of the smaller guns that would fit on my person easier than the larger ones.

Thankfully, Tris never asked why this closet was locked.

I've had my stash of weapons since I moved in here. It's always given me a sense of security for some reason. Left over paranoia from my Dauntless days I guess.

I change quickly into dark jeans and a t-shirt, concealing the two weapons as best I can, but not really caring if anyone sees them. I'm on a mission and I don't care who knows it.

Before I leave I make a quick call to Christina.

"Tris is gone, someone took her. Call everyone and meet me at the Council offices. Now."

Our conversation is very one sided as I hang up the phone after that.

I take careful notice of my surroundings on my brisk walk to the Council offices. I see curious citizens sticking their heads out of the windows at the sight of me walking through the city. A few even open their doors and offer me a place to wait out the lockdown.

We've gone on lockdown a few times in the past, but it's mostly just been practices. Once was a malfunction that took us an hour to realize what it was.

It's never been like this before.

I get stares from everyone as I enter the City Council building, Everyone is rushing around, all confused about the lockdown I'm sure.

I don't have time to explain though.

I get to the top floor where I know the leaders will be. The second the elevator opens, Lawrence, a leader alongside Johanna, has me pushed against the wall, hands around my throat.

"What did you do? You're angry at the Bureau for hurting your little girlfriend so now you're going to sabotage the whole city?" he growls at me, his hands tightening.

I escape his hold easily, and shove him out of the elevator. I get myself out just before the doors slide closed. Lawrence lunges again and within a moment I have him on the ground with a gun trained on his head.

"Stay out of my way," I tell him.

I make my way further into the room and see about ten pairs of eyes on me; city leaders, city advisors, and various government personnel.

"Tris is gone. Someone broke in and took her."

Johanna is the only one whose eyes show any kind of emotion at the mention of Tris, everyone else looks annoyed.

"One girl running away isn't – "

"This girl saved this city. What did you do during the war, hide out at Amity? She didn't run away, there was obviously a fight. Someone took her."

"Tobias, who would – "

"Where is Matthew? It has to be one of the scientists that had Tris before."

"Alison, get Matthew here. Tobias, put the gun down and sit. We'll find her."

I lower my gun, but I don't sit. I pace the room while others talk. None of their plans are any good though, so I don't pay attention to them. I focus on what I know so far.

I think it's safe to assume at least one of the scientists who had Tris survived the explosion Matthew set. I'll have to ask him specifics about the men who held Tris. I have to know whom I'm up against.

"Move," I tell a man sitting closest to me, typing furiously on a laptop. He looks at me with a frown at first, but as soon as he sees the scowl on my face he gets out of my way.

I sit at the computer and check the power gird of the city, looking for any rare disturbances within the last twenty-four hours. Nothing looks out of place. I move on to checking the fence's status. Again, everything looks to be in order for the last twenty-four hours. Whoever it is that has Tris has to have been here for a while then.

That makes things much more complicated. I can only hope that whoever it is hasn't taken Tris back across the fence yet.

Ten minutes later Christina, Zeke, Caleb, and Susan enter the room; all wearing similar faces of worry. I simply shake my head at them as Johanna explains the situation. I can't look any of them in the eyes.

I failed her.

I was there; I was supposed to protect her from this ever happening again. I don't even know what happened. Maybe someone injected something in me, or simply knocked me out with a solid punch while I was sleeping. You'd think I would be feeling the effects of that by now, though.

I can't go back to how things were before Tris returned. I can't go back to being the sad, broken man I had become. I got her back once, but I don't think I would be so lucky if I lost her again.

_I lost her again._

"Damnit!" my anger gets the best of me and the laptop that was once in front of me is now shattered on the floor. "How could this happen _again_? So what if she's divergent? Why do we care about the divergent so much? Just let them _live_."

My hands are fisted in my hair, very nearly pulling it out, when Zeke approaches me.

"We'll find her. She's strong, she'll be okay," he tells me.

I wish it were more comforting.

Before anyone can say anything else, there is a low, disorientating boom and the building shakes lightly. Lightly, but unnaturally.

"What the hell was that?" Zeke asks. Everyone flocks to the wide window in the corner of the room with a perfect view over the city. It has the perfect vantage point to see my apartment building up in flames.

" _Fuck_ ," I mutter.

"Get medical personnel and officers to – " Johanna calls emergency response teams to the building. We can only hope there was some kind of warning before the explosion, otherwise nearly everyone who lived there would have been inside, waiting out the lockdown.

The lockdown I started.

"This just got to be a lot bigger than kidnapping one girl. Whoever did this is after you, too, Tobias," Caleb says, his eyes calculating every possible motive.

"If they wanted me dead they could have done that when they took Tris."

"So then why – "

"I need to see my son!" Evelyn's screech is easily heard outside of the room.

I sigh, not having the patience to deal with my mother at the moment. But I know she won't leave until she gets her way. I motion for one of the police guards at the door to open it and let her in.

"Now is not a good time, Evelyn."

"Well I'm sorry for wanting to make sure you were alive after your building blew up. Care to let me in on what's going on?"

"Tris has been taken," Johanna explains calmly.

"Oh," is all Evelyn says. Of course, she's suddenly uninterested in the big city emergency. She doesn't care about tris.

"Leave!" I shout at her.

She pretends to look hurt, her lips quivering and fake tears coat her eyes. I know all she really wanted was to weasel her way into the issue and prove that she's a qualified leader. That's all she's ever wanted from me ever since I became a City Advisor.

Half an hour later we're informed that there was a bit of a warning before the explosion went off. A young boy was out in the hall and heard an odd humming coming from a neighboring apartment. His father broke in and found the explosive. We were hopeful that the owner of the apartment would be a clue for us, but it was an empty space to begin with.

Finally, Matthew enters the room. He looks equally as confused as the rest of us.

"What's going on?"

"Could any of the scientists that had Tris survive the explosion you set?" I ask him.

"What? No, of course not."

"Are you sure? None of them could have figured out what you were doing – "

"If they had figured out what I was doing, I wouldn't have been able to do it. What is this about? Is everything okay?"

"Tris is gone," I tell him.

"She's – what?" shock, anger, confusion, frustration . . . all of the emotions that cross Matthew's face have been coursing through me all day.

The sound of gunshots interrupts me before I can explain any further.

The hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and my hand twitches toward my own weapon. The shots are far off though, probably on the main floor of the building. I go to the desktop computer in the corner, the one that is hooked to the projector screen on the far wall, and quickly pull up the security camera footage.

"Shit," I mutter under my breath.

There she is; Tris, in the lobby, shooting her way in as people try to stop her. When I see one of the security guards aim his gun at her, my breath escapes me in a strangled sob. Though he never gets a chance to shoot, because Tris takes him down with a bullet right between his eyes.

"She's in a simulation," I whisper to myself.

Then I run out the door, ignoring the shouts of those behind me.

"She's in a simulation, don't shoot!" I scream as I practically throw my body down the staircase until I'm at the lobby.

"Don't shoot! She's in a simulation! _Don't shoot_!" I shout at the guards surrounding the lobby, most hidden behind whatever cover they could find. The few I can see look at me like I'm crazy, standing out in the open screaming while this girl is shooting everyone in sight.

I hold my hands up in front of me to show Tris that I'm not a threat and walk slowly towards her. Her eyes follow my every movement.

"It's okay Tris. You don't have to do this. You can fight it. It's a simulation, you're back in Chicago," I tell her.

I hear the same door I came in through open behind me, but I don't look to see who it is.

"Tris, it's _me_."

Tris takes five quick steps towards me, the barrel of her gun meeting my chest, pressed firmly into my skin.

"No," she says firmly. " _No_."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't try harder to find you. I should've done more. I'm sorry for everything you had to go through there. Everything those men did to you . . . no one should have to go through that. I'm sorry you're covered in scars, physically and mentally, that we may never be able to fully heal. I'm sorry I let them take you again, put you through another simulation," I grab the barrel of the gun, pressing it more firmly against my chest. "If this is what you have to do to be free from them, do it. It's _okay_."

Tris backs away from me, seemingly shocked at my words, but her weapon stays locked on me. I can see it in her eyes though. _She's_ _thinking_.

The door behind me opens again, and this time it catches Tris' attention, but only for a moment. Her eyes snap back to mine, and I can see the decision in them before she takes the gun and presses it against her temple.

"No!" I shout and, surprisingly, so does someone else from behind me.

"What do we have to do to get through to you?" Matthew seethes.

 _Matthew_.

He didn't help her escape. He brought her here for another test.

Matthew lunges toward Tris, but before I can make a move for the gun stashed on me, Tris has three bullets in his chest. Once he's on the ground, she empties every bullet she has left into his skull.

Tris' breathing picks up, her body starts to shake, and she drops to the ground. Her sobs echo in the quiet room.

I throw myself on my knees and pull her into my chest. I rub my hands along her back and down her body; carefully searching to make sure she has no other weapons on her. Thankfully, she doesn't.

I lift her into my arms and turn back towards the staircase. The crowd of people that followed me from the meeting room part and I carry Tris up the flights of stairs until we make it to my small office.

I sit on the small couch in the corner, Tris in my lap, and let her cry until she has no more tears to shed.

~.~.~

Two days after the attack we find out the whole story. Matthew kept detailed documents in the small apartment he had been staying at since his arrival in Chicago.

He was the inside man for these scientists at the Bureau. He knew of all of the Divergent in Chicago, and even a few in the surrounding cities. They wanted to be the ones to find the perfect, Divergent-proof simulation to create the perfect city. They just needed the perfect Divergent to test it on.

When Matthew learned of Tris he knew she would make the perfect test subject. He started studying her when she was fifteen. He was almost positive her test result would end in divergence, and he was right. He kept notes about her Dauntless initiation process and followed her during the war. Matthew was just waiting for the perfect moment to make it so she could disappear. Unfortunately, David gave him that moment.

He never showed her his face when they ran the tests, his partners were the only ones Tris ever really saw. She had no clue he was even there. She, like the rest of us, believed his story of him breaking her out to save her.

I was her final test. Matthew knew if he could create a simulation in which Tris had to kill me and succeeded, he could make her do anything.

Blowing up the apartment building was just another message he wanted to send to me. He wanted to destroy everything I had.

"Hi, " a small, tired voice pulls me out of my mind. I had never been able to fall asleep, so I left Tris sleeping soundly in the bed and came out to the darkness of the living room to sit on the couch and think. We moved ourselves into a small, vacant, cottage house in the old abnegation sector. It had some basic furnishings already, and since all of our belongings were destroyed in the blast, we'll start from scratch here.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" I ask her, still trying to shake the thoughts of Matthew out of my head.

Tris just shrugs and comes to sit as close to me as possible on the couch, her head resting on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" I ask her.

Tris sighs and lifts her head to look into my eyes, She's so close I can feel her breath tickling my face. She leans in and gives me the softest, sweetest kiss on my lips.

"Not yet. But I will be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I truly hope you guys liked this one. There may be an epilogue somewhere in the back of my mind, but expect The Last Of The Real Ones to get underway before that even becomes a possibility. However, if there's anything you'd like to see in it, leave it in a review and I'll try to fit it in.
> 
> Thanks for all of the love on this one, even though it's about four years late. I hope you guys check out The Last Of The Real Ones as soon as I start posting it (there's a prologue up already if you haven't seen it yet)!
> 
> I know it might seem like a bit of a rushed ending, but I think that we got Tris through the toughest parts of her recovery. With Matthew and the entire threat of what she went through behind her, things would go much more smoothly from now on. Hope that makes sense!
> 
> To everyone who took the time to review: you really do make writing these so much more exciting. Thank you for taking an interest in this story, it really does mean the world to me. - DR13


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